Originally my plan for today was to try to make some sort of positive post, maybe something about ways to cope and take care of yourself when you feel like shit. That's going to have to wait for another day because I just don't have positivity in me today.
Today my anxiety feels like a lead apron laying on my chest and stomach. It's hard to breathe, no food sounds good, and I've been having anxiety palpitations since the middle of the night last night. My heart was pounding so loud in my ears I couldn't sleep. I was awake until sometime after 4 a.m. and then had fitful dreams of death and destruction. I woke up just a few hours later full of venom and fire and ready to burn the whole world down. I want to smash and destroy and make everyone else feel as shitty as I do.
I hate these feelings the most because I like to believe most of the time I'm a decent person, some days even good. But on days like today I don't believe that, I don't feel that because I want to make someone else hurt. I won't. I'll bite my tongue. I'll cry by myself. I'll probably remind myself off all of my shitty qualities and make myself feel worse instead of hurting someone else.
I feel like a storm cloud ready to burst if the pressure gets much higher. But I don't think they're calling for rain today.
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